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假设你是公司老板。某天一位电视制片人忽然凑上来，问你是否愿意花两周时间，经营一家全然不同的企业。电视摄像机将对你全程追踪，把你缺乏经验和愚笨无能的模样都暴露在镜头下。同时，另一家公司的老板也会在你办公室里自由发号施令。这个陌生人或许会干得不错，这样一来你就会显得差劲，又或许，他们会把局面弄得一团糟。你看这个主意怎么样？
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Suppose
you are the boss of your company. One day a TV producer approaches
you and asks if you would like to spend two weeks running a quite
different business. TV cameras would follow you throughout,
revealing your inexperience and ineptitude. Meanwhile, the other
company's boss would be let loose in your office. Either this
stranger would do well, in which case you would look bad, or they
would wreak havoc. How about it?
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这种提议本来最没有吸引力，但居然说服了六个傻瓜接受，结果就有了《互换老板》这部三集的电视系列节目，目前正在英国热播。在我所看过的令人捧腹的商业电视节目中，这真是最棒的一出。
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Six
suckers were persuaded to accept this most untempting of offers
and the result is Boss Swap, a three-part series now airing in the
UK and offering some of the best bits of toe-curling business
telly I have ever seen.
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这个系列剧模仿了去年风靡一时的节目《换妻》。在《换妻》中，两位妻子互换了住宅、家务事和孩子。搞笑之处在于，互换的每一对都截然相反.例如，一个肥胖、懒散、抽烟上瘾的邋遢鬼与一个苗条、挑剔、做家务成癖的人互换。
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The
series is modelled on Wife Swap, a big hit last year. In that, two
wives swapped houses, chores and children. The gag was that each
pair were opposites: a fat, lazy, chain-smoking slob would swap
with a fastidious, svelte, house-proud obsessive.
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《换妻》的交换范围就差进卧室了，但《互换老板》胆子更大：两人把职位全部互换。《换妻》纯粹反映了一种偷窥心理，而《互换老板》则影射了一些真实的问题。
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Whereas
Wife Swap stopped short of the bedroom, Boss Swap is more daring:
the two people swap every aspect of their jobs. And while Wife
Swap was pure voyeurism, Boss Swap hints at some real issues.
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在现实生活中，对做丈夫的来说，不会有陌生的新妻子走进自家厨房。但在公司里，出现陌生新老板的事却总是发生。新老板某天突然就来了，大家指望他能给公司理出个头绪，可他本人对公司业务一无所知。《互换老板》就让我们看到，这样做的风险可有多大。
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In
real life, husbands do not get strange new wives marchingsintos
their kitchen. In companies this happens all the time. New bosses
suddenly arrive one day, expected to sort out businesses about
which they know nothing. Boss Swap shows us just how dicey this
can be.
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在上周播出的第一集里，S夫人原来是个模特，现在经营一家生产工业用门的工厂。这个人对工作总是指手划脚，不太招人喜欢，而且喝香槟酒量很大。和她对换的老板比她更难伺候。他的工厂生产脚手架部件。
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In
episode one, last week, Mrs S is a former model who runs a factory
that makes industrial doors. She is a tiresomely larger-than-life
figure who drinks a lot of champagne and believes things should be
done right. Her opposite number is rougher and readier. His
factory makes scaffolding parts.
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她一闯进他的工厂，就推行员工穿制服，提供加班费、医疗保健，并加强安全措施。他入主她的工厂后，则竭力提高门的产量，并开始给刚完成一笔销售的推销员塞20英镑的票子。他认为，员工需要更轻松的工作环境，
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She
stormssintoshis place introducing uniforms, payment for overtime
and health and safety measures. He, on the other hand, tries to
step up production of her doors and starts slipping £20
notessintosthe hands of salesmen who have just completed a sale.
He decides workers need a better recreation area and sticks up
some girlie calendars.
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两个工厂的管理团队都不喜欢新老板。他们的肢体语言明显反映出人们熟悉的那种情绪：担心、恐惧，又极其别扭。两周后，两位老板回到自己的公司，就立即取消了对方实行的变革措施。
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Neither
of the management teams likes their new boss at all. The body
language is transparent: that familiar mixture of fear, horror and
downright cussedness. After two weeks, the bosses return to their
own companies and instantly dismantle the changes their
counterparts have made.
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这个令人遗憾的试验提供了一些教训：首先，哪怕老板是恶魔，也最好是你所了解的恶魔。其次，一个老板的管理方法在此地也许管用，但换个地方也许就不管用。第三，良好的工作关系非常宝贵。这种关系建立起来需要很长时间，但破坏它只消一瞬间。
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The
lessons from this sorry experiment are: first, better the devil
you know. Second, a boss whose approach works in one place may
find it does not work somewhere else. Third, good working
relationships are precious. They take a long time to build up but
can be destroyed in an instant.
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这一切都表明，换老板不是个好主意，除非他/她真的是坏透了。这就是第二集在很大程度上要表现的情形。
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It
all suggests that a boss has to be really bad to make changing him
or her a good idea - which was pretty much the scenario presented
by the second programme.
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李(Lee)经营一家广告公司，布赖恩(Brian)则负责一家生产购物袋的公司。两人进行了互换。李头上抹的发胶太多，对他这个年龄的人来说实在有失体统。他成功的秘诀听上去并不怎么鼓舞人心。“任何了解我的人都会说我喜欢做不同的事情。我不会在一件事上吊着，”他吐露道。布赖恩则是一名美国退伍兵，娶了老板的千金。“他真是随和，我们多数人都认为他啥事也不干，”一位下属这么说。
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Lee,
who runs an advertising agency, swaps with Brian whose company
makes carrier bags. Lee wears more hair gel than is dignified for
a man of his years and the secret of his success does not sound
inspiring. "Anyone who knows me well would say I'm a package
man. I don't go for one thing," he confides. Brian is an
American ex-soldier who has married the boss's daughter.
"He's so easy-going, most of us think he doesn't do
anything," says an underling.
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李与购物袋公司的人打得火热。他推行了一些既简单又受欢迎的措施，譬如设立意见箱，印刷小册子，甚至还举办了一次晚会。他卖掉了一台破损的机器，与员工一道去打保龄球。两周后送他走时，员工都很难过。
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Lee
goes down well with the carrier bag people. He does some easy,
popular things such as introducing a suggestions box and a
brochure and even holds a party. He sells a machine that is
broken. He goes bowling with the staff. After a fortnight, they
are sorry to see him go.
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布赖恩则给广告公司带来了灾难。他躲在办公室里空谈安全措施。“我吃不准‘和大家打成一片’是不是个不错的管理工具，”他为自己辩解道。
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Bryan
is a disaster at the advertising agency. He hides in his office
and flaps about security measures. "I'm not sure 'fitting in'
is a great management tool," he says defensively.
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这个故事的教训是：首先，如果原来的老板很无能，新来的老板就很容易驾驭公司。其次，如果老板受人欢迎，那么他们的变革就容易些。第三，购物袋公司的老板管理“创意”人员不那么容易，反之则不然。
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The
lessons here are: first, if the old boss is useless, the new guy
is going to have an easy ride. Second, it is easier for bosses to
make changes if they are popular. Third, carrier bag bosses are at
a disadvantage with "creative" people. The reverse is
not true.
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第三集是所有剧集中最叫人吃惊的。一家时髦的房地产经纪公司与一家旧车交易行交换了老板。
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The
third programme was the most alarming of the lot. A swanky firm of
estate agents swapped bosses with a used car dealer.
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房产经纪公司的老板是个夸夸其谈的笨蛋。“我爱钱，钱越多越好。我拼命工作，我期望手下也拼命干活。”在旧车交易行，员工根本无法接受他的态度，因为这里的政策是：上班迟到没关系，只要能把旧车卖出去就行。
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The
estate agent was a flashy idiot. "I love money. The more
money the better. I work my nuts off. I expect my guys to work
their nuts off too." This attitude went down worse than badly
at the car dealership,swheresthe policy was to rollsintoswork late
and sell cars cheaply.
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他试图让自己的新团队清晨6点在健身房集合，并对他们集中精力工作的情况评价一番。与此同时，旧车交易行的老板则强迫房地产经纪公司的员工进行心理测试，并根据测试结果解雇了原老板的妻子。“我已经决定，你这个职位纯属多余。如果可以，请你回家，我们要裁掉这个岗位了，”他这种愚蠢的说法真让人吃惊。
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He
tried to get his new team to meet at the gym at 6am and talk about
how focused they were. Meanwhile the car boss forced the estate
agents to take psychometric tests - on the strength of which he
fired the boss's wife. "I've decided to make your position
redundant. If you could go home please, we'll take it from
there," was the astonishingly inept way he put it.
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两周后，这两个可怕的家伙都回到自己的岗位。同事看到他们时居然都还挺高兴。
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After
a fortnight, both these horrible individuals returned to base,
swherestheir colleagues seemed strangely pleased to see them.
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所有这三集节目中最令人沮丧的是，这六个老板都未能从中学到任何东西。这真让人遗憾，因为对他们来说，这本该是受用一生的学习经历。
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The
most depressing thing about all three episodes is that none of the
six bosses was able to learn a single thing. That is a shame, as
it surely should have been the learning experience of a lifetime.
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人们常说，对变革的抗拒主要来自机构的低层。但《互换老板》显示，老板真是不可救药地固守自己的方式。他们在新公司中照搬用原公司的做法，并清除一切挡道的人。他们根本不打算学习新东西。
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It
is usually said that the main resistance to change comes from
those further down organisations. Yet Boss Swap showed that the
bosses were terminally stuck in their ways. In their new companies
they applied the same approach they had in the old one, mowing
down anyone in their way. None was prepared to learn at all.
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在《换妻》中，一些妻子至少还在口头上说，她们日后也许会尽量多做点家务事、少看些电视。
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At
least in Wife Swap some of the wives paid lip-service to the idea
that in future they might try doing a bit more vacuuming and watch
a little less telly.
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lucy.kellaway@ft.com
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lucy.kellaway@ft.com
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译者/江洁
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