|
今年年初，我为《金融时报》写过一篇专栏文章。如果《金融时报》要评选它所刊载过的最具误导性的专栏文章，可供评选的文章一定不会少，但我那篇肯定是相当强劲的角逐者。你若是看了，定会同意我这个说法。
|
At the beginning of this year I
wrote one of the most misguided columns that the FT has ever published. There is
some competition for the title but mine, I think you will agree, is a pretty
strong contender. |
|
我在文章中自信地预言，2003年管理术语的全球供应量将会下降。我预言这一年内管理界将突然清醒起来：企业将不再讨论诸如“公司DNA”之类的说法，而是集中精力去赚钱。
|
I confidently predicted that in 2003
the global supply of management cant would recede. I foresaw a year in which the
world of management would suddenly become sensible - in which companies would
stop brainstorming about their corporate DNA and concentrate on making money
instead. |
|
我在文章中写道，“作为一个头脑清醒的工作者，我期望2003年是朴实的一年，专注的一年，多产的一年，令人满意的一年。”天哪，我在说什么呢？不错，这一年确实是朴实无华，但是自从我开始工作以来，哪一年不是朴实无华？朴实之余，就全部是垃圾了。
|
"As a sensible worker, I look
forward to 2003 as unglamorous and focused, productive and satisfying," I wrote.
What on earth was I on about? It is true the year has been unglamorous but so
has every year since I started working. The rest is just rubbish. |
|
相反，过去一年，管理的术语还是各种各样，只是内容有所改变。如我所预测的那样，“Fun世纪”终结了，被新的说法所取代。
|
Instead, what has happened in the
past year is that the variety of cant has shifted. As predicted, the Age of Fun
drew to a close; but all sorts of other cant has risen up to take its place.
|
|
这一年，我们被煽情的废话所淹没。这一年，所有领导潮流的领导者都讲究用“心”来说话。七月份，我找到了摩根大通的一份备忘录，内容是公司副董事长要求他的投资银行家们打电话给客户，说自己爱他们。
|
In particular, this year we were
swamped by pseudo-emotional guff. It was the year when all fashionable leaders
talked from the heart. In July I singled out a memo from JP Morgan in which the
vice-chairman told his investment bankers to phone a client and tell them they
loved them. |
|
上周我又看到一份用“心”写的备忘录，是一家英国公司写给其雇员的，它是我所看到的同类备忘录中风格运用得最不恰当的。它是独立财务顾问公司Sesame负责人写的圣诞贺词。贺词一开始写道，“我们最好的一位朋友的孩子昨天因感染流感不幸去世。值此圣诞之际，此事更让我想到了Sesame公司的核心价值，那就是关怀。”
|
But last week I came across a
memo-from-the-heart sent to employees of a British company that is possibly the
worst example of the genre I have ever seen. It is a Christmas message from the
head of Sesame, an independent financial adviser. "One of our best friends sadly
lost their seven-year-old child to the flu yesterday," it began. "This brought
home to me the importance, particularly as we enter the Christmas season, to
expressly embrace one of Sesame's core values - to care." |
|
这贺词写得简直太可怕了。将一个孩子的死和公司的核心价值观联系起来，不但牛头不对马嘴，也缺乏可信度。另外，此圣诞贺词的语法也让人不敢恭维。备忘录接着写道，“我祈祷在这个圣诞节，你们想到的不仅仅是圣诞礼物和愉悦，也要想到，我们每个人都要主动去关心我们所处的家庭和社区。”
|
This is beyond dreadful. The sheer
ineptitude of trying to link the death of a child to the firm's values beggars
belief. The split infinitive is not great either. "I pray that this Christmas be
remembered not only for presents and joy, but also for each of us reaching out
to our families and the community in which we live in a caring manner," the memo
went on. |
|
我不介意老板告诉我怎么去做我的工作（其实我还是有点介意的，不过这是他的特权，我只能接受），但是要是有人告诉我如何对待自己的家庭，如何对待自己所处的社区，我会非常非常介意。公司的电子邮件容不得祈祷者的言辞。如果首席执行长们想去当牧师，不妨在下了岗的时候去重新接受牧师的培训。
|
I do not mind my boss telling me how
to do my job (actually I do mind a bit, though I accept it is his prerogative)
but I would mind very much if he started telling me how to behave to my family
and the community in which I live. There is no room for prayers in company
e-mails. If CEOs secretly want to be vicars, they should consider retraining
when they find themselves suddenly pushed out. |
|
圣诞节是说废话的大好时机。全球最有头脑的管理顾问公司Bain &
Co的圣诞卡是我目前最喜欢的例子：这家管理顾问公司在其贺卡上印了四个家常季节性图片（落叶中的孩子，孩子堆雪人，等等），打开后里面的文字是这样的（全是小写）：
|
Christmas is a great time for guff
and this year's Christmas card from Bain & Co, one of the world's brainiest
management consultants, is my favourite example so far. The consultant has
chosen four homespun images of the seasons (child in fallen leaves, child builds
snowman, etc), and the message inside reads (all in lower case): |
|
“热情洋溢在 |
"throughout the passion
|
|
各个季节， |
of the seasons |
|
成长，繁荣，庆祝， |
grow, prosper, celebrate
|
|
享受！” |
enjoy!" |
|
如果我是Bain公司客户，我会立马炒该公司鱿鱼。管理顾问靠什么赚钱？靠的是提供战略方面的咨询，这是很严肃的事，怎能和絮絮叨叨的季节感慨扯在一起？
|
If I were a Bain client, I would
sack the firm on the spot. Consultants make their money by selling advice on
strategy, which is a serious matter and not compatible with soft ramblings on
the passing seasons. |
|
今年的管理著作也很愚蠢：写了那本俗不可耐、但是大红大紫的《谁动了我的奶酪》后，斯宾塞•约翰逊（Spencer
Johnson）博士的书又上了畅销排行榜。经理人在抢购他的《礼物》一书，作为圣诞礼物。此书的套路和原来一样，简简单单的寓言故事，每页上都没几个字。为了跟上潮流，书中煽情的成分增加了。我随便翻开此书，看到的那一页上是这样写的：“如果你有目标地去生活，去工作，去抓住重要的事，那么你将更有能力去领导，去管理，去支持，去交友，去爱。”
|
Management books went on being very
silly indeed this year. Spencer Johnson, MD, who wrote the extraordinarily banal
and still more extraordinarily successful Who Moved My Cheese?, is back in the
best-selling charts. The Present is what managers are busily buying for each
other this Christmas. The formula is the same - simplistic parable and hardly
any words to the page - but, in keeping with the fashion, the emotional volume
has been turned up. I opened the book at random and these were the only words on
the page: "When You Live And Work With Purpose, And Respond To what Is Important
Now, You Are More Able To Lead, Manage, Support, Befriend, And Love."
|
|
要是说此书有什么独创的话，那就是约翰逊走出了首字母全部小写的狂热，而用了大量的大写字母。（可怜的Bain还不知道，首字母小写已成了昔日黄花。）除此以外，《礼物》一书只是一流的废话，通篇胡扯。
|
The only original thing in this is
that Johnson has shunned the lower case craze (which Bain should know is pass?by
now) and has instead chosen abundant use of the capital letter. Otherwise it is
guff par excellence - total gibberish. |
|
我今年也见过一些挺合情合理的东西，但是有时也合情合理得过了头。获得头等奖的是一家安全顾问公司，名叫TPS顾问公司。它送出了一份新闻稿，题为：“建筑设计中安全和反恐举措可能会成为强制标准”，文中提出如下建议：
|
I came across much sensible stuff
this year, though some was sensible to a fault. Top prize goes to a security
consultancy called TPS Consult. It sent out a press release entitled "Security
and counter-terrorism measures in building design could become mandatory"swheres
it offered the following tips. |
|
“第一条准则：不要在室内放炸弹； |
"Rule number 1 - Keep bombs out of
buildings; |
|
第二条准则：让炸弹尽量远离建筑； |
Rule number 2 - Keep bombs as far
away as possible; |
|
第三条准则：遵照第一、第二条法则。“ |
Rule number 3 - comply with rules 1
& 2;" |
|
这下好了，在新的一年里，哪怕我们在别的方面都走不通，至少我们认识了炸弹安全问题，可以去保安业去找份饭碗。
|
So if all else fails in the new
year, we all now know enough about bomb safety to get jobs in the security
business. |
|
现在，我要提出新理论了，那就是全球管理术语的供应量明年不会升也不会降，后年也不会，大后年也不会。其库存总量将保持不变。
|
And now I am going to come up with a
new theory, which is that the global supply of management cant is not going to
rise or fall next year or the year after or the one after that. The stock is a
constant. |
|
我对自己的担忧能力也有同样判断。担忧的内容总是在变，而担忧的总量保持不变。比如有时候我会有很糟糕的事去担忧，一些无关痛痒的担忧就会被取代，比如我的餐具为什么在洗碗机里变成了奇怪的颜色。
|
I feel the same way about my own
capacity for worry. The worries change but the capacity is fixed. If I have big
nasty things to worry about, they displace more benign worries such as why my
cutlery has suddenly gone a funny colour in the dishwasher. |
|
只要有空子，就会有废话钻进来，只是有些废话比其它的废话更为糟糕。今年流行的废话就特别恶毒：光是煽情也就罢了，不会让人过分反感，问题是它虚假得厉害！我敢打赌，在2004年，这类废话已经过了顶峰期，将会走下坡路。我还不知道新的废话会以什么形式出现，但是我希望它们不会令我们太反胃。
|
Guff will always fill the space
available, though some types are worse than others. This year's variety has been
particularly virulent: the emotional stuff offends not so much for its mushiness
but for its rank insincerity. My hostage to fortune for 2004 is that this sort
of guff has peaked and will recede. I do not know what form the new cant will
take but I hope that it will be easier to stomach. |
|
译者/柏林 |
